Incessant Ramblings Of An Adolescent Mind

Friday, April 20, 2012

"And When I Close My Eyes Tonight..."

The tension that bound their gaze to each other was impossibly intense. He hadn't looked at someone like this in a long, long time. And it had been even longer since he'd been looked at the same way. Whether she felt it or not, he needed this. He knew it was going to happen. He also knew it probably wouldn't be anywhere as smooth as he'd remember it in the morning. But the way things were going in life right now, this could be a glimmer of distant light that he needed.

Barely a week had elapsed since he'd been used and tossed aside. His self worth had been drained completely. But before him was someone so clean, so free... and she was giving him it back. She was beautiful. Her hair fell casually down to her neck, flowing like a sea of dark red plasma. The eye shadow highlighted the twinkle of the cigarette she held in her hand. There was a soft, gentle sparkle of the need to feel loved, of vulnerability and fear-shaken-excitement, all hidden and masked by the calm blanket of someone regaining their confidence.

She lifted the cigarette to her lips, and he felt the familiar pounding of the blood through his cheeks. Her neck pulsated gently, as her hair fell back, exposing the soft skin. He wasn't even aware of intending to say it. "I have no idea what's happening here, you're talking to me and... well look at you, you're beautiful". She turned her head to the side, and looked down embarrassed, at her feet. "What? Don't look away, that means you don't believe me". 

She took another breath through the stick in her hand. He could see she was uncomfortable. He hated this. She didn't believe him, she didn't know. He reached out his hand to comfort her and felt his hand touch the warm skin on her neck. It was like touching an electric fence, as soon as he felt contact, he wanted to withdraw, back to where it was safe. But he couldn't. He couldn't let her live not hearing those words. "Look into my eyes" he said, and he could feel the smile spreading across his face. After a deep breath, she lifted her head and looked back at him. There was something in her face that said she was torn between letting him say this and running off. "Oh my god... you.... you're absolutely..." he stopped, let the warm, stagnant air in his lungs pass out, and drinking in an ocean of cool, calming night air. "'re beautiful", he finished. 

She'd maintained eye contact throughout, and he was grateful that she tried. He was tempted to look away, but he couldn't. There was a tear just beginning in the corner of her eye, and he knew he'd touched a nerve. "I'm sorry, but you need to hear it" he started to say. She was still looking into his eyes and he felt it snap together inside. He let the smile fade from his face. Something was pushing him. There was only one thing he could do now. He moved his head close and closed his eyes. There was an almighty pounding of blood in his neck and his knees where physically shaking. But it felt right, he just had to. He felt the cold press against his mouth and felt the last two years of his life break away behind him. He moved back slightly and opened his eyes. She was still looking at him. He felt that smile come back. For a second, he thought she was about to run. But she didn't. She was still there, with him. 

She'd come into his life at the absolute breaking point, and she'd tipped the scales back in his favour. And although she was now over a hundred miles away, and had her own life to get on with, he wouldn't forget that one wonderful March evening, their lives had overlapped. He hated the thought that she was gone, but he knew that out there, that beautiful smile was still there somewhere. And she would one day make someone the happiest they could possibly. And the grey rain clouds above made him realise just how alone he now was. The sun had set on his day in the sun, and now it was time to take shelter and wait for morning.

You gave me back my life, and whether you know it or not, I wont ever let you fade from my memory.




  • Hello,

    My name is Leigh. Dave, I love the way you write. Your exceptional blog deals with your life, and depression awareness get rolled in there. I know you are familiar with the importance of mental health. It is for these reasons that I contact you today.

    I am ‘every woman’, the girl next door and the one you never would have suspected, however, for years I have been struggling with depression. I have written a book about my experiences entitled “The Blue Veil”.

    Through this book, it is my aim to reduce the stigma of depression by increasing awareness of the issue. I am donating a large percentage of the proceeds to 15 carefully chosen mental health awareness organizations worldwide. I have provided the list of these organizations at the end of this email.

    This is where you come in. I am organizing a 2 month long online book release campaign, structured around various depression awareness weeks around the world. It will be from July 1st to August 31st. My request is, during this period of time would you be willing to host me on your blog for a few days of those months? This can be carried out in a few ways:
    -I would send you a couple/few articles that talk about my book and of course depression awareness. You would post these articles on your blog over a few days during those months (letting me know which days you will choose)
    -You could write your own prose about “The Blue Veil” and depression awareness and post these articles on your blog over the course of the months (letting me know which days you will choose).
    Now you may be wondering what is in this for you and your blog? Well, I could provide you with a free version of “The Blue Veil”. You could also review the depression awareness organizations, which I will send to you, to see if there is one you would like to be included and I will certainly look into it.

    More on “The Blue Veil”:
    Up to 58 MILLION suffer from it in the US alone, and VERY FEW talk about it. Is it your friend, colleague or neighbor? Now, finally, ‘The Blue Veil’ brings a modern, raw account of depression. Read it and understand your loved ones better. Be assured that no one is alone.

    ``Leigh has everything going for her when the unthinkable happens. She loses control of her own emotions and everything in her life begins to slip away. With a marriage strained to the brink, the loss of her father, fertility issues and the loss of her job, will Leigh be able to move beyond The Blue Veil and take back control of her future?``

    Thanks so much for your consideration and efforts. I understand that you are busy, so I wanted to express my sincere gratitude. It is with great respect for you and your blog that I write this email and it would mean so much to me to have your readers aware of my efforts.

    Please do not hesitate to contact me at any time if you have any questions regarding my request.
    Sincerely yours,
    Leigh Turgeon
    Twitter: @leighslead
    The Blue Veil Blog
    FB Page The Blue Veil
    FB Page Leigh Turgeon

    By Blogger Leigh Turgeon, at 6:41 pm  

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